Coming back to life

Coming back to life..........(Pink floyd)

Was just strolling by the trees in Osmania campus, enjoying the virgin wind hitting my face, felt nice, very fresh, just like the way you feel when you wake up in the morning after a goodnight sleep, hugging your fat fluffy pillow, having nothing to do, nothing on your mind, not worrying about anything, no dead-lines, no exams, just nothing. In my bermuda, favourite Atom-ant T, blue flip-flops and a hot cup of Irani-chai. Went on and on walking on the freshly fell dried leaves and finally rested on a balustrade of a very small bridge. A car was parked couple of feet away, it was a copper red A-star, the front door was half open, I could vaguely see a person resting her legs on the steering with seat totally bent down. I wished she would switch on her stereo and play Patience by Guns N Roses, she did switch on her stereo but it wasn't Patience, a chill ran down my spine, I was going numb...I had this mixed emotion of both 'nice and bad' like, when you see a long lost friend....when you just see...and not meet...just look at her from a distance and enjoy the warmth of her joy.....just the way a cherub looks at people...and a sudden rise in the heart-beat, as if some one is taking away her from you, you shout your lungs out, to the top of your breath but she never herd you...she never even saw you...then you have the feeling of regret, the feeling of 'You should have spoken to her...'

The song was Coming back to life by Pink Floyd....it brings back the post break-up memories. We had a mutual break-up, the reason? "I'm not right for you" (it actually was I'm bored of you).

I thought I would forget her, just like the numerous girls of my past but I couldn't and I never called her to ask how she felt? does she still love me...the way I still loved her...does she still remember the stupid conversations we had?....does she still remember the endless meoowing....does she even remember how much I loved her?....But, I never called her...but I always had this picture of her ever smiling face and her eyes they turn 'chinki' when she smiles...her dimples...and the first kiss...does she even remember me?........

I was nothing more than a life-less soul....I never remembered to eat nor breath now that I never felt any pain...I was just like a help-less kitty on the highway to heaven...and the days passed by like seconds....me doing nothing.... staring at the empty road through my broken window pane, her memories were my food..was literally living on the conversations we had..the blank glances she gave me when I was talking about politics....the poker face she made when she was angry....

I was lost in thought..lost in life...was lost in time...was lost in her....

I was in a room alone for many weeks..doing nothing.....

It was then I heard this song not that I haven't heard it before..but this time it was different...a lot different....

I decided to accept things as it were...

But it wasn't easy for me to step out of the house...I felt like I was born again...I felt like a baby learning to walk...with the feeling of born-again I also had to go through the hardship of learning again what I already knew before...and I knew the movement had arrived for moving on with life.....I learnt many things in that period of solitude...a solitude of a pain...I learnt to enjoy pain and live with it..and days passed by...time heals anything...it did heal..but there are some things which are permanent...just like a potter moulds a lump of wet mud and later heats it in an oven to make it permanent...the potter here is life it moulds you and the past is permanent if you try to change it, it cracks and the thus obtained scars will remain...don't try to change past, it is forever, try to change the future. I've grown as a person in my period of self-imposed confinement.

I just snapped out of my 'flashback'.....tears rolled down from my eyes to console my heart...But I was fine now...I was happy....I went near the car.....just went...a person came out of the car which was playing the song and she was the girl I loved.